did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
