Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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