I wish I could punch you in the face.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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