dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
