i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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