YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
We need to feng shui this bitch.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
