sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
