she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize