Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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