I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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