I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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