Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
