U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
