Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
