you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
