12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It's blow job season.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
