moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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