he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
