I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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