Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
