dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
