there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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