i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
