my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
