I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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