what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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