I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize