When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Randomize
