I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
