I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
