Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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