Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
