have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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