I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
