God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Semen is not good for contacts.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
