Only a mothe r could love this liver
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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