he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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