Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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