No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize