I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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