You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
