i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
