Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
