okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You're a waste of cheezeits
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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