Whod you bang
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
