The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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