I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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