i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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