So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
