I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
its liver damage thursday
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
