New invention idea: vibrating tampons
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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