I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize