As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
