He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
