so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
