we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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