I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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