I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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