I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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