Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
