How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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