I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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