Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
