i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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