if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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