If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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