yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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