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When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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