Nicole vs. Life
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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