She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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