I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Randomize
