I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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