Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
