remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
