i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
