So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
