My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
