You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
