it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Houston, we have a squirter
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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