Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize