Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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