Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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