Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
