it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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