Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
