So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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