i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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