So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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