Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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