i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
