I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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