Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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