I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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