He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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