no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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