There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
